This is a very short blog this week, why is it that I am being lazy? I have 2 whole blogs ready to go but events have unraveled this week that make my posting them seem inappropriate somehow. You see my beloved Nellie Florence otherwise known as our Nanna has been unwell for the last few weeks. On Monday she was ready to go back home and was in the right place at the right time whilst still in care as she suffered a stroke. I have been by her side right through until last night, I had to return to the nest to make some arrangements and organizing and I will return to her shortly.
I don’t have many words this week, they are evading me like wicked and naughty elves. I keep going to speak and nothing wants to come out except an exhale.
If you have read my earlier blogs you will know that this lady is a monumental influence in my life. Not just mine, MANY lives. She is a special one that has not gone through life quietly, she has impacted in ways too countless to mention. She has cared for my emotional and spiritual needs since I was born, an angel that entered at precisely the right time. Intense psychological studying and examining taught me a few years back that when a child suffers intense abuse; they start to cope and rearrange their cognitive behaviors in desperate coping strategies that are often destructive and self abusive and can lead to a lifetime of harm and horror. This didn’t happen to me. I have had psychologists look at me and shake their heads; how? How have I not ended up in the complete and utter proverbial shite? It seriously has defied the odds completely. I will tell you how, I know how. I’ve looked, turned it around, examined it, pulled it apart and put it together again. The women in my life taught me very well. My Nanna and my Mother. My mother taught me resilience and independence, not to ever be a victim and to be mighty and I do my best when I have it in me…(still the slow student in many ways lol) My Nanna taught me spirit, joy, love and forgiveness but most of all she taught me compassion and gifted me with a Faith more brilliant than diamonds. I am alive because of this. Trust me. This is why I am still here. I could write a book about her. She has saved many many lives from destruction. Did you know that for years she visited single mother’s in prison to be a listening ear and friend? She would visit the blind home to read to those who could not, she pissed people off with her passion for God and she could bible bash with the best of them, but she did it with the intention of sharing her joy, she wanted everyone to have the sparkle in their hearts that she does. I could go on…really I could.
I don’t have much more to say, tears are literally pouring down my face as I write this. It hurts my heart deeply. She makes the best Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwiches, she loves me like I am perfect, she looks at me like I am heavenly and lovable and I’ve never lived on this planet without her. To put it bluntly I don’t know how to. They told me she’s dying now but you know what? She knows ALL my secrets and never judged. She knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Which means that D word doesn’t fit one little bit. I am selfishly human right now. Completely. So, can you pray for her and our family this week? She is 88 years old, and I would like her story to keep going until she is 98, she is sprightly and she is with it. She has refused a feeding tube, it goes against everything she has said about “getting old” we have all known this for some time. This morning she changed her mind, she chose life. As we speak she is getting a feeding tube put in. Why? Because she is a fighter, with gusto and spirit and amazing grace. She fills my world with love and joy and I want her to stay here with us a bit longer. She has the rest of eternity to go to places other than this, but just for now I want her to stay if she’s willing. I want her to stay in our meadow for just a bit…
Blessings to you and yours, Kirsten.