There’s a Fire in the Cupboard

Sometimes it feels like a zillion people try to call at once, need you at once or require something, it may be a little person or a grown one. Sometimes its the growing list of things that have to be done, a list that grows like Pinocchio’s nose, leaving you feeling stretched and pulled and eventually as flat as a damp squib, depleted and run down. Surrendering a busy schedule and lists for a wiser plan is rarely easy and trying to find the time to even work out what can be given up to make room for one’s self becomes a battle of wills and often self sacrifice. Folk all over the world put their needs after other’s or place list objectives above their intrinsic needs, not to do this often attracts a feeling of selfishness or indulgence. Quite often the fact that it is INTRINSIC and NECESSARY is completely missed. But sometimes its not having a massage or a day spa, yoga retreat and 2 hours meditation a day lol that you need (so not knocking these, id give my two front teeth and left knuckle for something like that at the moment ) Its just creating a moment of total abandon and escape from the rat race infused monkey brain.

A few days ago I got up before everyone else, it was the early hours of the morning when the blue is just lighting up. I had a late night before and a crazy week that left me feeling hurried, harried and stretched. My mind wouldn’t stop, chattering away, listing all the stuff I had to do, conversations I needed to have, school shoes I needed to buy, booklist items still needing picking up, the kitchen sink I need to polish with a cloth and spit (kidding). I stretched out on my Yoga mat, berating myself for thinking too much and I saw a tiny piece of fluff in the sky above me, like a dandelion or “Santa Claus” as we grew up calling them. I watched it. I admired it, and decided to not move anything until I saw it float away and I couldn’t see it anymore. Such a simple act induced a feeling of small wonder, almost childlike which I’ve not felt for a very long time. All my grown up thoughts drifted to the back like a naughty child. I took a really deep breath and kept watching. I think it took maybe 10 minutes for it to fade into the blue sky completely. It did not feel like a complete waste of my time. It felt good. Soul food. I took a big deep breath and felt calm, peace, still and it felt like chocolate. Real good.

I then started pondering (no…really?) about all this overthinking business (the sweet irony) and the “crazy”, if you don’t control it, it can really sneakily grow like a foul yeast. A little bit is good, its fodder for motivation, fuel for action. But too much without escape or peace throws the balance out and the yeast grows so silently and quickly and you got yourself a candida infection bad enough to make bits drop off spontaneously. Ew.

Last year I experienced a business boom. After 9 years of really hard work and love; my business started to take off in new directions and ways I only dreamed of. Because of my previous 2 years of brain surgery recovery, re-learning, rehab etc I thought I had the balance-lesson thing pretty much down pat. Lessons learned, acing all games. I got this. But I had a couple of people around me that were growing concerned. Beloveds who were observing the steady increase that was being masqueraded with all the joy and happy of this growth and I was going to hard. I didn’t think I was. When I was approached and we spoke about working too hard, I nodded and smiled and fully felt that I was okay. I was fine, make hay while the sun shines, I am not tired, I feel happy, therefore I am  good. Point is I was too busy to really listen and notice what was actually going on.

It has taken me 6 weeks of complete annoying forced bed rest and then getting “back into it” the last few weeks to physically feel and hear my body and mind responding, like an alarm clock warning. A beautifully designed alarm clock, we all have one. It knows how to warn me, it does a great job. I just forget to keep the clock oiled and I forgot its sound. I forgot to listen.

I have again been humbled, made to stop. Lesson learned. I love it how we can get ahead of ourselves and think we’ve learned what we need to know, then shabang we get smacked in the forehead with another one and we feel like infants again.

My alarm clock’s sound is remembered again. Firmly. I liken it to a computer. If your computer’s email is down, incoming messages aren’t happening what do you do? Do you rip the power supply out of the wall and walk away, forgetting you have a computer? No, you try and work out what’s wrong with it, you stop and ask yourself “I wonder what is going on with my computer?” mixed in with some choice profanities perhaps.

Likewise you get a headache, pop some panadol and get on with it, like the advertisements tell us every day, we don’t have time to stop! Pop a pill and get going! Which is like pulling the chord out of the computer without thinking about it. I am not saying don’t take Panadol lol, its been my personal best friend for the last few months, I probably own shares in the company by now. But what I am saying if you listen to your body, it has an alarm. Just an example; if you have a headache, STOP. Ask-

Have I had enough water to drink?

Is it time to switch off the computer?

Am I feeling stressed? Is my body showing me signs in aches and pains that it is distressed?

How can I reduce this?

What can I do to feel better? Do I need more sleep? How can I achieve this?

The need for people in the Western world to push on is rewarded all the time. Quick! Stop the symptoms! What do you mean there’s a fire in the cupboard? Well quickly shut the door so we can’t see the smoke, it will go away. Are you sick? GET WELL Quickly, because if you aren’t better then my world feels uncomfortable and I don’t like that feeling- uncomfortable, its makes everything icky and awkward. I pose the question- if we treat the symptoms and not the cause in all aspects of our life, are we robbing ourselves of growth and  process? Do we do the “quickly” thing in our lives so other people feel more comfortable?

Stop just for a minute, take some nice deep slow breaths, sip some water and listen to your body. Your body is the boss and employee, if you ignore it, don’t repair it or care for it it can and will either give you the sack or go on strike eventually. I have found balance, but its been by force not by choice. Sometimes it takes surrender, courage and step in faith and trust in ourselves to find a place of stillness and peace. Our body is designed with sensory messages communicating to us when something is up, physically and intuitively, instincts are gold.

Plus unhurried hands and minds make the best meals from scratch, tell the best bedtime stories, give longer kisses and and probably make better candles. Skills are sharpened and harnessed differently. Its true. Cross my heart, Hope to live.

Again I hear Nellie Florence’s advice to me as a child echoing back;

“There is a time to eat, a time to play, a time to work, a time to sleep and a time to pray”

I hope you have a wonderful week, I hope you find a piece of fluff to watch or a moment to yourself.

I tried again to do this yesterday, waiting for a piece of fluff to appear. This came crashing down pretty quick when a Banshee wail from the bathroom screamed we were out of shampoo. But once in the week is a good start don’t you reckon?

xx

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: